How free are we really?
This is the question that I had to ask myself after viewing the latest episode (episode 7) of Lovecraft Country on HBO.
This episode deals with Black life during the 1950's. The characters are multifaceted, warm, intelligent, courageous all the while living under pre-Civil Rights America. Their every move policed (literally and figuratively), and what little "freedom" they do have is always tainted with the threat of death.
What compelled me to write this post was seeing how the Black matriarch of the show finally gets the attention that she deserves and we learn that she suffers from self-doubt. She has allowed the weight of society's expectation of her as a Black woman, a woman, a mother and a wife, define her has a human being, so much so, that she hates herself because she allowed the world, or society, to make her feel small. I can relate. I think that we're all conditioned to conform to what our culture says is the best way to live our lives, what careers to aim for, etc. but it's all false. It's just an illusion. As a woman, as a PHENOMENAL BLACK WOMAN, I believed that I had to reach a certain level of society to be respected. I had achieved certain goals, milestones, and had a nagging feeling that it wasn't enough, more importantly, that the life I was leading was never going to fulfill me as a person because I lived my life based on other people's expectations. Once I started thinking about what I, Felicia, wanted to do, be, see and go in life, is when I started feeling free, that everything was possible. I simply had to choose. I was free to choose. I am free to choose. I'm free. To be continued...So much more I will share with you.